Welcoming the New

I have two daughters, one is 22 and lives in Texas, the other is 13 and lives with us. Both of them are into anime and have attended many conventions over the years. I’ve enjoyed seeing their creativity in putting together their costumes, as well as seeing other convention attendees and the costumes they come up with.

So when Sarah mentioned there was a big event coming up over New Years, we made plans to go and invited a friend of hers to go with us. At worst it would be a good diversion from our grief, and frankly we needed it. While we were all missing Chester and Peanut, Cash and Sarah were trying to move forward as I was peaceful where I was in my grief. Additionally, it was nice to be caring for just one pet who was healthy. Gracie had begun joining me occasionally in my running, and it was good for both her and me.

Cash was going to meet us at the event as he was out of town on business. So the girls and I headed south for the weekend and met him at the hotel where the event was happening. Sarah and her friend got into costume immediately and headed to the event on the other side of the hotel. Cash and I enjoyed the quiet.

Since it was New Years Eve, we assumed the girls would be out late-ish, but they were back in our room and in bed by 9pm! We were not far behind and didn’t stay up to ring in 2022. But that was the last of the quiet, as the girls were in and out, back and forth, out of one costume and into another. It was a fun time for everyone.

While Cash and the girls stayed to finish up the event, I left early on Sunday to head to Waco for a Monday funeral. A friend I’ve had since junior high had recently lost her mother after caring for her for several years. A friend from Austin came up and spent part of Sunday and Monday morning with me, then she went home and I went to the funeral. Little did I know what would greet me at home.

I enjoy long drives by myself, although I don’t do them very often. I get time to think, to think out loud, to listen to podcasts, or just have silence. Cash takes road trips for business frequently, and we have a routine of calling and texting at certain points to be sure he’s okay and awake. This drive back home for me was no different…texts when I stopped for a bathroom break, calls to check in on me and give updates on what’s going on at home. When I finally arrived at home, something was weird. Both Cash and Sarah came out, all excited I was home, helped unload the truck, and chatted excitedly. I just wanted to go to the bathroom. So they walked me inside and opened the master bathroom door…

And there inside was a white lab puppy.

I wish I could say I was happy about it. I wasn’t. I picked him up and cuddled him. His name was Goose…short for Mongoose, Cash’s favorite BMX bike. He was soft and snuggly and OH SO CUTE. But I was not happy. I wasn’t even a little excited about this new addition. Then I was ushered upstairs to Sarah’s room to meet our next addition. Meatball is Sarah’s new calico kitten. She was spunky, feisty and beautiful. I wanted to be happy about them both, but I wasn’t. While Cash and Sarah needed to move forward, I needed to stay where I was. I wasn’t anywhere near ready for another pet. And what about Gracie? She’s 10 years old…what about her? I didn’t want her to get lost in the shuffle of all the new.

I wished I could’ve been excited about this. But how to resolve it? My family needed to move forward. Does my need to stay put override their need to move on? Does their need to move ahead overrule mine? These are hard questions that never got answered, because to me, if we welcome a pet into our family, it stays. No doubt…I was going to have to adjust much sooner than expected.

That adjustment has not been easy. Goose was seven weeks old when he joined our family. He bites and chews EVERYTHING. He is like having a toddler around, always needing food and toys handy, a constant stream of “NO!” or “DON’T!” or “STOP IT!” coming out of our mouths. Nap times are glorious. He grows so fast we can almost see it as it happens. I’m too old for a toddler. His mother was 80 pounds and his father 120 pounds. Goose will not be a small dog. As of this writing he is just over four months, and his paws cover the palms of my hands. We’re on our second kennel as he has outgrown the first. I put his bowl of food down last night, then took Gracie’s outside on the porch so she could eat in peace. By the time I came back in his food was GONE. I have been reassured that when he hits nine months he will be really great. I’ve also been warned that at 18 months, we’ll go through this whole thing again. An acquaintance of mine that works with animals told me that those in the pet industry rarely if ever adopt a brand-new puppy, that they wait till they’re a little older and mostly trained. I’m learning from that…did I mention that I’m too old for a toddler?

I know this will get better, that this is a season and I WILL grow to love him, that he will be a beloved pet and part of the family. Missing Chester has made this exponentially harder. The good news is this: God has purpose in the hard, if only that we lean into and rely on Him more deeply. And that brings me comfort and assures me that this will all be worth it.